Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Mon Feb 28, 2005 at 10:31:58 pm EST
Subject
A Special type of Love Story...
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The Office of Dr. Oswald P. Humperdink on the 4th floor of Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital. Dr. Humperdink moved his offices to the Phantomhawk to be close to the action. Today is much like an other day, he has a number of patients, non that are all the interesting. But, today, he has a new patient with a story to tell.

"The Doctor will see you know." Said Anna, Dr. Humperdink's receptionist said.

"Who me?" The 20 something woman said, looking up from her magazine.

"Yes. Who else would I be talking to?" Anna said. It was only her & the patient in the reception area.

"So, I just go down the hallway?" The patient said as she got up from the couch.

"Yes. Down the hall & the first door on the right."

The woman got up & walked down the hallway. She was glad to get out of there. She couldn't stand to read any more of those dated magazines. Some articles or cover's that she found funny were: How to lose weight while still eating Chocolate, Will Reagan be a good President? & Cell Phones: Fad or Must Have Item?

She walked down the hallway to the door, She knocked.

"Come in" said a voice on the other side. She opens the door & walks into the small office. It has a desk, a few shelves & some file cabinets. The Doctor was sitting in a desk chair next to the stereotypical psychiatrist's chez' lounge. He patted the seat & said "Sit down, Miss Tarzania."

She walked over & laid down. As she laid there, she looked at all the diploma's that littered his walls.

"So, Jane. May I call you Jane?"

"Sure. whatever."

"Ok. Jane, why don't you tell me why your here?" Dr. Humperdink said as he started to jot down some notes on to a legal pad.

"Well, I'm here because a friend of mine from work set this up."

"That's not what she said?" The Doctor said.

"She set this up because of my... my.." Jane said & trailed because she wasn't sure how to phrase the rest of her sentence.

"According to her, she said you were having problems with your ex-boyfriend. Sound like you'd need to go to the police with a problem like that?"

"My Ex never physically hurt me."

"Then, what was your problem with him?"

"He's Ronald Beeslyhuxtoy!" Jane said, then broke down in tears.

Dr. Humperdink gasped when he heard the name. "Not THE Ronald Beeslyhuxtoy?" he said.

"There is only one." Jane said between sobs.

Once they regained their composures. The Doctor asked "How long have you been dealing with him?"

"5 years."

He gasped again. "Why didn't you come in earlier?"

"Psychiatrists are expensive!" she said.

The Doctor laughed a bit. "Let me show up something!" He said.

He got up from his chair, walked over to a filling cabinet, he opened the bottom drawer. He took out a file that took up the entire drawer.

"See this!" He said pointing to the file.

"Yes."

"This is my file on Mr. Beeslyhuxtoy. I have another this size on his friend."

"Are you their Psychiatrist?" Jane asked.

"No. But, I've had a few sessions with them. I think most Psychiatrists in the tri-city area have met with them. It seems that no Psychiatrist can get past five sessions with them."

"Why have they seen so many?"

"I think you know that answer." The Doctor said, then winked.

"I know that, but why do they keep going?"

"They were ordered by the court to get some help. I think I read somewhere they have put at least four of my colleagues into mental institutions."

"oh."

"So, when did you relationship with them start?"

"Well, it was a few years ago at a party I was having at my apartment."

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"Jane! Jane!" called out Francine.

"Yes?"

"Where do you keep your can opener?"

"In the third drawer to the right of the sink."

Jane Tarzania & Francine Thomas were having an News Year's party. They were having it at Jane's apartment in Dullard's Corner for two reasons. 1: Jane had all the party stuff & 2: Her apartment was bigger. They were inviting all there friends & some people they know from work.

"They will be the best New Year's Eve Party Ever!" Francine said.

"We're still going to watch Richard Clarkson & the Cube drop in Time's Rectangle, right?" Jane asked.

"Of Course! It's not New Years until the Cube drops!" Francine said as she brought out some snacks from the kitchen. Only the freshest canned Olives for their party!

---------------------

It was few hours later, the party was going great. No one (so far) has tried to crash the party & none of the sleazy guys from work have come either. The music was great, it was just loud enough to dance to, but not loud enough to no be able to have a conversation with someone. Jane & Francine were all dressed up, like much of the other guests.

"Hey, Jane!"

"Yeah, Chuck?"

"Great party & The Cocktail Weenie Casserole is to die for!"

"Thanks!" Jane said. Chuck Smith came to her party & likes her cooking. That just made her night!

At that moment, something happened that would change Jane's & everyone else she knew's life. Two men who Jane didn't recognize entered the party. One of them you couldn't take your eyes off of him.

"I didn't even know they made tux in neon red & yellow." Jane thought.

He also wondered about the man's hair, she had never seen a white guy with a big red afro.Well, she had seen Ronald McDonald with one, but he was just a fictional character. She didn't know if the afro was fake or if it was the man's actual hair. It looked real from where she was standing. The man standing next to him was less noticeable. The man wore horned rimmed glasses, a powder blue bowling shirt & blue jeans. He also had a dark red bow tie on. One thing that caught her eye was that he was carrying an accordion. He sort of looked like he wanted to fade into the background as his friend seemed to be the life of the party.

"Hey, everybuda?" The man with the afro yelled. Most of the guest turned around to see him. Many had an adverse reaction to the way he looked.

"Did anybody here order 2000 pepperoni pizzas?"

People laughed. But, they really started to laugh when he started to throw the pizzas at the guests. Jane didn't know if he had 2000 pizzas, but he had a lot.

Jane ran over to Francine. "Did you invite him?"

"Who? The guy with the afro throwing pizzas?"

"Yes. Who else would I be talking about?"

"I don't know, but I did not invite him. But, I did call up a service for some entertainment. Maybe, that's him?"

"Ok." Jane said. She didn't find out till later that the scheduled "Entertainment" 's Volvo broke down on Interstate 666. The Stripper would never make it to Jane & Francine's party. He would keep the down payment for his services & get drunk later that night.

A few minutes later as the man with the afro & poor fashion sense continued to entertain the guests. Jane sat down on her couch, She was tired. She looked over & the other person sitting on her couch was the guy who entered with the entertainment.

"Hi!" Jane said. "My name's Jane, what's yours?" She asked with a hand outstretched.

The guy smiled & shook her hand. Jane didn't know what to do next. Did he hear her over the music? Was he a mute? So, she asked again, this time louder.

"My name is Jane. What's yours?"

He pointed to his bowling shirt, stitched into it was the name: CHAD.

"Hi, Chad!" She said.

He smiled again.

"Is he here with you?" Jane asked referring to the man in red & yellow.

Chad nodded yes.

"What's his name?"

Chad handed her a card. It read:

Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy
Writer / Philosopher / Carbon Based Lifeform

"Oh" Jane said after reading the card. Jane sat back & watched Ronald, he was standing in her bowl of dip.

"I just love how this dip squishes between my toes!" He said as he moved around in the dip.

People laughed & laughed & laughed.

"Hope you guys don't mind foot fungus in the dip!"

More laughing. That time Jane let out a small laugh under her breath.

----------------------

It was now 2 a.m. Most of the guest have left. Most passed out after midnight & were taken away by friends. Some left to go to other parties. The music was quieter now. It was also now accompanied by Chad on his accordion, he was standing near one of the speakers. Francine had started to clean up the mess left by the guest. Half of the mess was caused by Ronald. Jane & Ronald, who she know knew went by "Ronnie", were sitting on the couch, talking.

"Jane?" Ronnie said, looking into Jane's green eyes.

"Yes?" Jane said, starring back into his eyes, that were behind a pair of over sized glasses.

"Do you believe in magic?"

"Isn't that a line from a song?"

"It might be. A lot of stuff I say, I get from other sources. With my bad memory, I forget where I get them from."

"oh, ok. But, to answer your question. Yes, I do believe in magic."

"Would you like to see a trick?"

"Sure."

Ronnie pulls a handkerchief out of his tux's coat pocket. He waves his hand over it & says the magic word: Lebowitz & a hamster burst forth. It was surrounded with jelly beans.

"Ta Da!" Ronnie said, then ate one of the jelly beans.

"Oh, he's so cute!" Jane said.

"This, my dear, is my hamster companion: Little Cat! Would you like to hold him?"

"Sure." Jane said. Ronnie handed Little Cat to Jane. She petted him as he ate a jelly bean.

-----------------

It was 3:30 am. Francine has gone home, along with most of the guests. Only people left are Chad, Ronnie, Little Cat & Jane. Jane & Ronnie were dancing to the accordion music of Chad. He was now playing a slow, almost jazz instrumental version of "Purple Haze".

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"We danced & danced for what seemed like hours." Jane said.

"Then what?" Dr. Humperdink said.

"Well, by that time the sun was coming up. So, we said our goodbyes & they left."

"Did you exchange phone numbers?" Dr. Humperdink said as he wrote something down on his note pad.

"Yes."

"So, that meant you wanted to see him again, right?"

"Yes, sadly."

"Well, it looks like our time is up for today. I think we need to go further into your relationship. So, could go out & make another appointment with Anna on your way out?"

"Sure." Jane said as she got up.

THE END!

------------------

FOOTNOTES:

One of the idea's I've had for sometime is to show Ronnie & his now exgirlfriend, Jane dating. So, I thought the best way to do it via flashbacks. Look for further stories on this subject.


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